Wednesday, May 26, 2010


I have not found a place to live, and I move out of my campus apartment in three weeks. I have just started to search for places. The second posting I clicked on was a listing for the place I lived in in Felton when I first started college, where my live-in landlord was a sociopath and I had to move. So I flagged it, but I didn't feel like looking anymore tonight, and I had an anxiety attack and felt bad. I had some chamomile tea which helped a bit. And I phoned my Mister and that helped a bit. And I went swimming today, and usually I feel really good on days that I swim but not today. So, idk, I have to get up early ish tomorrow but I don't want to go to bed and just lie there worrying, I would rather distract myself with the internet. So I am watching music videos and looking for the angsty but perky ones I was really in the mood for last summer. I don't have a great memory for that kind of thing so I typed stream-of-consciousness into the search bar until I remembered what my old favorite song was called.

"boy group angry breakup think i'm in love beck one tree hill driving in a red car shouting things in the music video it is the suburbs with ribbon stripes on the countercultural house think i'm in love one tree hill beck band one two three four gives you hell"

And like... I was really projecting a lot onto that song. Using it to process some stuff. Now that I am not in that mood it is a bit terrible. It might be the difference between listening to it on my headphones, and turning it on real quiet in my car, rolling down the windows, and shouting it with feelings (at first I turned it up loud but it was harder to enjoy shouting if I felt like I was singing along). But I think it is also the music video, which I never noticed until right now uses the same singer for both male leads, even though there are totally other people in that band, unlike when Taylor Swift and Ashlee Simpson did that in their videos.

Also stressful is that I have a huge project due tomorrow in Sculpture, and even though I am sure I can finish my video editing and burning to dvd by then I did not pick up my equipment from Media Services yet and what if it doesn't worrrrrrrk? That can happen. My video is 16 minutes long. Idk if that is a good length, or what. There is an almost 9 minute part where I am just pulling the bag along and the laptop is filming from the bottom pocket of the bag. I, like, love that part. Maybe I should put it at the end so we can start crit while it is playing.

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