I am having a bit of a bad day

And I don't know why. I ate plenty, I slept last night, I haven't been drinking this week, I went swimming today- I am doing all the things I know to take care of myself. My bad mood was pushed to the back of my mind because I was BUSY all day (and yesterday and tomorrow) but when I got home today it re emerged. I prepped for tomorrow, worked on homework, read supplementary stuff so I would be on top of things... even after I got everything I can do today done, I was in a bad mood. I baked some cookies to have something fun to do, and I was in such a bad mood that when I took them out I slammed the oven door partly on purpose and flipped all the cookies onto a plate, breaking about half. Then I ate 3 cookies and put myself to bed but I wasn't tired and my mind was racing. So I learned about sauropods and camels and moose and I was calming down but then I went on disboards.com (it's about disney but run by fans and is unofficial) and started learning about timeshares which made me feel sick and then I started thinking I want to do a project about disney but I have nooooo idea what. I need to start a notebook with printouts of the desperation (?) on that board (when someone says something is too expensive at disney, and they mean it as in disney overcharges rather than phrasing it as needing to be even more frugal in anticipation of the trip*, fellow posters on the board sort of jump down their throat about "disney is a company and companies charge an inherently fair price because that's what people will pay" like, okay, but you don't have to be thrilled to pay it and you especially don't have to bristle when a stranger isn't thrilled to pay it).

And the extent that people get into Disney is confusing. Like there is this video of wedding dresses based on disney princesses (loosely):

For my personality, I would totally understand doing your wedding in costume as a princess. Why not? It's your party and if you're paying for it the only person you should even have to run it by is the groom. But this is different because it is dresses inspired by the princesses but meant to look like classic, maybe elegant** wedding dresses. And the most recent princess featured in that clip is from The Princess and The Frog which came out last year (ish) so it's not at all like something from a woman's childhood that she's always felt fondly about, it's more like I Am A Princess A Magic Princess. I'm glad not everyone has the same plan as me (if I got married tomorrow I'd get a tan (check!) or a burn and then layer off-the-rack white garments and stitch them together and shred them and everyone will have to tell me i'm radiant because I am a bride) because I really do think variety in thinking and actions is essential and desirable but this princess thing feels manufactured. Maybe exploitive, although I go back and forth on whether it's fair to use that word when people are wasting on purpose to feel fulfilled.

I tried to find art that critiqued disney stuff but it was hard. The few artists I found were painters. I will put them in my notebook of prep but I want some artists who do work like I do.

So the thing that got me out of bed this last time and typing feverishly to my blog was that I have to propose something for a grant to ucsc art students and I want it to be about disney and I have NO idea what to propose. (well obviously)

Maybe I want to make a flier and litter it around the park? I could shopdrop something but idk Disney is very well supervised. Maybe I could endure a ride, waiting in line over and over without breaks until I can't walk. I could go and try to function as an observer rather than a participant and not ride anything or eat anything or talk to anyone. I wouldn't like to inconvenience any of the workers or get in the way of anyone's fun.

this isn't the one I was talking about above. I screencapped it because this person only likes things if someone else can't have them ("even if there was plenty of room, why should they allow others that are not members...").

*the frugality board's tagline is (paraphrased) "every dollar saved or earned is another dollar for disney" and to me that is blatantly insidious.