About returning to Oakland

I have lived:
Costa Mesa
Newport Beach
Alameda
Oakland (actually I have an Emeryville zip code, but we are in Oakland beside the Berkeley border so there are signs saying "Welcome to Oakland" all around so I am sure I live there.)
Felton
Santa Cruz
That isn't a lot of places, but I nonetheless feel that I would like to live in the San Francisco bay area for my adult life. There is just so much here! (I am mainly comparing it to SC, of course, because that is where I lived from 18-20) For example, to direct people to my home in SC I would have to use the university main entrance as the orientation point. Because it is mainly the only thing around, you know? But in Oakland there is a giant public sculpture I can give as a landmark.

When looking up a picture of it I found some interesting criticisms of the message of it (I think it's self aware and not a slight to Oakland), but I linked to one that seemed more neutral.

Anyway, there are all sorts of nice things about Oakland and the east bay. There are a lot of very nice schools here, such as Contra Costa College (I have my first sculpture class of the summer there in a few hours, and so I can't vouch for quality of instruction yet but the campus is sooo lovely.) but also such as UC, Mills, and the school I am sort of aiming for for grad school (more than 2 years away still), California College of the Arts.

Also, it has got a lot of crime. This is a map of my neighborhood. (I believe if you click on it the words will be legible, but basically each little round arrow is a homicide, color coded for each of 3 years that are displayed)

Trailer Project Part 1

Well, the first thing I did when I moved into the trailer was swept out the dust and wiped everything down. Next I removed and set aside the table in the sleeping area (it converts from dining) and the extra cushions, and then I took out the old curtains. They were gathered and sackcloth textured and they made the space more cluttered than it has to be both by pushing into the space a few inches on each side. It looks loads better without them, but on the other hand now everyone- including the neighbors whose apartment building's second story cement corridor overlooks our driveway- can see into my trailer. So, I went to Home Depot and for $7.65 I got a roll of privacy screen contact paper that I think works very well.

That's kind of scary, actually.
But, it is just caused by my harmless lava lamp, which easily dominates this space during the evening
Here you can see how the "privacy screen" contact paper looks. It works pretty well to obscure everything. I had wanted just a plain frosted pattern, but HD had exactly one choice so that is what I bought. I don't think it looks too bad, although it does look like in bathrooms. Also, this is NOT how my trailer will look. This is an old duvet cover that I am using to contain the old smelling couch and protect it from getting little tears, which it will do if you sit on it. Aside from the lava lamp I want it white pink and gray in here. Orange is just too intense I think in a tiny space, although I do really like orange.

Thinking about Hunger Feelings

"There is also evidence that their hunger is more intense. Kolata notes that the food-obsessed, sneaky, guilt-ridden behavior of fat people on diets is similar to the behavior of thin experimental subjects who are deliberately underfed. “A lot of thin people think that because they can skip a meal and feel a bit hungry, everyone can do the same,” one obesity researcher tells her. “They assume the sensation of hunger is the same for everyone.” They’re wrong, says Kolata: “Fat people are fat because their drive to eat is very different from the drive in thin people.” link

Wait, really? I am reading a review contrasting two books, not the books themselves and not the studies they're based on, so I am like 3 degrees separated from whatever study they're using, but that is still a very interesting idea. I do not fall into either group; I am ordinary weight. I don't know that I have ever felt intense hunger. That actually sounds like a terrible experience. By the time I start to feel constantly hungry, which is only after more than 3 days off solid foods, I always feel very zen and also sort of tired, and not up to feeling anything intensely. After 5 days without food, which is the most I have ever done, I don't feel hungry in my body at all, but I do start really feeling less with it (kind of tipsy and fragile, and when I did this in winter I felt reeeally cold) and so I stop. So either I don't have the capacity for intense hunger or I feel it as other non-hunger symptoms (like being cold). Oh, wait, my regular hunger (this is such a terrible explanation. I am not making any sense.) is either "hey, it's morning, what is there for food?" and thus not a physical feeling at all, or it is like my stomach feels kind of empty but it doesn't harm me or bother me. Anyway, the point is I do not mind going without food if I have planned on it or am too busy. Going without food because of poor planning or there is no good food available is different because it makes me angry. Well that was a huge diversion from why this is interesting. I know kind of that people experience hunger differently (they have different favorite foods and different meal schedules, so why not different hunger?) but I had not expected that whole groups of people grouped by body weight did notice a difference in their "drive to eat."

The article also says "Likewise, thin people have fewer fat cells, and when they gain weight the cells don’t multiply; they just expand. Partly because of the signals sent by these fat cells, but also because of how those signals are conveyed to and interpreted by the brain, obese people do not feel satiated as soon as thin people do."
Is that true? Signals from fat cells? In an entirely medieval way* I am going to speculate that it could totally be having different kinds of stomachs, because that is where you feel hungry, instead of fat cells because those are all over under your skin (and also you can have fat cells in among your organs, but I don't know exactly what that means or who has that). Oh, I suppose to test it you could ask people who'd had liposuction (it takes out fat with a pump, it is dangerous. Blood you can do because it is liquid and meant to go through veins, but fat I think is solid ish and hard to get out.) whether they felt satiated faster than before. In fact probably someone has done that.

Okay also, I think the second sentence of the quote is worded badly because it almost contradicts the rest of it.

*I like intuitive medieval thinking. Physics was like mind blowing, everything you would expect, like that things are held in their orbit by tiny invisible strings, is totally wrong. If you spin something, say a shot put, around in a circle over and over, it will not remember to stay in the circle once you let it go! It will fly away straight in the last direction it was heading before you let go!!! There's a conceptual problem, where you shoot a monkey, and you have to decide to shoot it or shoot below it, because it is going to fall... and you shoot below it! Because of gravity! It even works on small things that have horizontal velocity. Also? If you shoot up a bullet, it will come down with the same velocity. So you should only shoot at the ground or at targets. Also there was all kinds of amazing stuff with wedges and stuff. Torque. I don't know what all. I should audit a physics class, that stuff was amazing.

Lichens and Mosses

Here is a terrarium I found online. I have decided to become a lichen enthusiast and do limited work with moss. You see, the whole school is scraped of lichen and dirt at the end of the school year (I suppose it does not grow much during summer, so they do it in spring and it is ready for fall). So yesterday I liberated some lichen from the railings outside the science library. The internet says it takes hundreds of years to grow, but I am pretty sure it grew to cover the middles of these metal bars in just 12 months, so I hope they will grow in a similar time on a tile. It also takes longer to grow from one lichen spore/flake than it does to grow from a lot, which is what I am going to use. They turn into dust when you brush them off to collect them, and then i am going to mix the dust with buttermilk and brush it on a tile from HD. I looked online, and tiles cost only a few dollars so I don't feel bad spending money even though I am trying not to do so lately.

While looking up info about lichens I was reminded of my love for mosses. Mosses need wet conditions, and they die rather than just going dormant, so I have never tried to grow moss but I am very interested in indoor tabletop fairy gardens, in which moss is used as groundcover. I saw this stonehenge online

and I am going to do one in a teacup! Because tea and stonehenge are some of the nicest things in England. I am very, very interested in microgardens as art.
Picture it: A row of 5 different patterned floral teacups, the first of which is a small cottage, then a small school, then a small house, then a large house, then a graveyard.

I think lichen has less potential in that area, but I am interested in a few other effects with lichen. One is that it makes things look old. I think it would be interesting to do a ceramic or cement sculpture that looks very current or depicts a current political figure, and then grow lichen on it to convey the sense that it is quite far in the future, like in the tv show Life After Humans where they simulate aging monuments. Or perhaps I can think of something clever to do with a gravestone. So far the only thing I can think of is buying yours early and then lichening it so that when it goes in there will be an incongruity between the date and the visible aging of the stone. That's not that rewarding or interesting in my opinion. I am a creative person. I can't say this is genius or anything, but it is at least something: lichen grows very well on limestone. Set a long strip of limestone into The other effect I like is that it is alive and very lightweight, meaning that for wall art it is ideal. That is what the tile is for, it will ideally be a set of 3 bright green 12x12 panels in a few years. Apparently lichen can only grow in clean air, so it would be a good indicator of air quality.

I am also interested in moss hung vertically on walls. Google "moss wall" and some of them are stunning. That is more intensive a project than the lichen tiles though because for a medium sized wall hanging I would need to build a frame, buy netting, water the thing often, and then keep it somewhere moist enough.

Contra Costa College

(If this post is crazy coherent it's because I'm in essay mode from my Soc final exam, and if it's not it's because I have been sleeping very short shifts for several days)

I am enrolling in Sculpture 1 at Contra Costa College. Now, three years ago I would have been elated. Highschool students were not permitted to take non academic courses, and incidentally my highschools offered nothing in the way of Art instruction. (I think I might have been more comfortable leaping into the Art major here instead of bouncing from bio to econ to art, or even going to art school, if I had taken a studio course at some point.) However, now? Well, now I can't imagine going back to a community college, as an (admittedly college age) adult. It's almost unthinkable. It's like moving home, or retaking 10th grade history. Why on earth is it happening to me?

Well. It's not complicated, but it's complicated to explain. Basically, the art department here is on a pared down budget. Art classes are very hard to get in to compared to nearly all the other courses at UC, because students from all departments are interested, and also there are a lot of art majors compared to the funding, for some reason. One campus-wide repercussion is that to get your General Education A (Arts) requirement, most students can't get into an art class (not even the three art courses for non art majors, because they are studio sized rather than lecture) so they take theater arts or I suppose art criticism or art history. For art students the low number of spots in courses means that there are additional restrictions placed on enrollment. lower division courses are reserved for pre art students, and once you declare as art you can not enrol in them. This is a challenge because you only take 3 studio courses before declaring, and the upper level courses you can take are limited by which intro classes you have as prerequisites. If you have 3 interests, you're fine. But if, like me, you are interested in more than 3 art forms, or at least want the option of pursuing an interest in another form, you're stuck. For me, I could take another lower div course and just put off declaring my major another quarter, but of course I am very excited to start the upper level courses as soon as I am able. (yet another difficulty is that pre art studio courses are all held at the same time MWF or the same time TThSa, meaning that the most you can take concurrently is 2.)

I carefully went over the course list (all the courses there might be before I graduate) and the course schedule (the courses that are planned for fall and winter) and identified the courses I would love to take before I graduate. The only gap between the lower div courses I am taking and the upper div ones I am dying to take is in sculpture.

So hence therefore hereto forthwith I am going to magically fit in some sculpture credits via community college.

I went to a CCC college when I took Japanese at DVC, so I already had a profile, and I spent a little bit of time logging in. My password hint was "what color is my helmet?" which I eventually correctly guessed was "sparkly". I looked at the fees, even though I know how much they are, just because it makes me happy. It is $20 per unit (down from $26 when I was enrolled and, um, attending for free.*) So, my art course is going to cost $60 plus a $9 materials fee. Summer courses at UCSC are about $1000 each. I bet Sculpture 1 is better here, but probably not 15 times better. CA subsidizes our community colleges a lot better than the UCs manage, I think.,

Although, my username is cvendewalle135, and my student portal is for Caitlin R. Van de Walle. And the course description says it will encourage students to research and sculpt in the style of our own ethnic background, as well as "subtractual" sculpture. At least make sure everything in your description is a word, you know? But it's easy to be too hard on community colleges. They take on a big task. They have to provide courses to everyone from minors to retired folks. And they have to fill a lot of purposes, some of which are mutually exclusive. They have to be suitable for those who are newly learning english, they have to prepare students for work, they have to be the most remedial thing available to adults wanting new skills and they have to get students ready for 4 year colleges. And they have to do it for almost free.

You know, I'm enrolling at CCC without ever having seen the campus? Community colleges fill a weird role.


*I just worked out that since I took ~30 (semester) units, I saved $780. That's pretty neat.

The Trailer

So. There it is, my trailer (that is not mine, didn't buy it, title's not in my name, permitted to clean it but forbidden to modify it from its 1971 splendor- and by modify I mean a coat of interior paint, not a hot tub, permitted to sleep in it when I must but not to keep it off limits to the family* when I am in Santa Cruz). All right, not my trailer. The trailer. The trailer that could be easily 6 times better if I were given reign to decorate it. I am really good with colors.


Well, it's a nice neighborhood. There's Jori and Betsy's veggie oil bus. Not pictured because I couldn't manage a good one is Nini and Carl's VW bus, which they sleep in to camp sometimes. Yeah, there are beds to sleep... um... 7 on our driveway. If you count the loft in my trailer, which I don't because it dared to creak, like I was killing it, when I climbed in! I know, it is 38. The screws on the steel tracks are rusty. The wood is old. Still, when you go through life in whatever percentile means 75% of adults are larger than you, it doesn't cross your mind that a piece of furniture is going to give out on you. Then, yesterday, I was walking on the floor of my house in santa cruz and I noticed a part of the floor was dipping when I stepped on it. I am choosing to believe that this is because we are walking really close to the wall to get around the folding dog gate on a part of the floor not designed for weight, and Occam's razor can go to hell.
Yes, I am as long as the trailer is wide. The first thing I thought when I got in the trailer for the first time was "thank goodness I'm small." Because a full size adult, would probably not be able to deal with the size. Although, Jori is full sized and I suppose he doesn't mind the bus. Hm. My second thought, obviously, was "Augh I am breaking the trailer noooo!". Only then (I am falsifying this timeline entirely, for simplicity) did I freak out about the interior. It is brown. Brown, and green, and covered in woodtone veneer, and ugh. It is so bad. It is a little cool because it is all old timey things, like a museum Liz thinks, but I do not want to live in a museum. Unless it is an art deco museum, or a steampunk museum, or a space museum.
I dunno, I can take some pretty good photos I think. That looks so homey, doesn't it? With the roses? Noooo it is an illluuuussion, it looks really dark. I had to take down all the curtains to make it nice. I have been hunting online for all sorts of small space living tips (I adore small space living, but in my imagination I am allowed to use PAINT, also it is not on the driveway, it is off in the nature.) and one of the ones that crops up over and over is to use neutrals, and pale colors to make the space airier and look larger.



Here I am enjoying the trailer. I know this is a pretty whiny post. Some people haven't any trailers to live in, you know. But it is terribly frustrating to be parented so aggressively. My parents must trust me, I am quite trustworthy, but they have not had an adult child before and they don't know what to do. Hint: I have this under control. Today I told my roommate I was going to the library because my computer doesn't open pdfs and he was like "wait, why?" and I said it is because I don't have administrator priviledges and he laughed and asked if it was my computer. I was like, well, it is mine to use while I am in school but my mom bought it. I need everyone to back off if I am going to live at home without moving out to live under a bridge.

I was talking to Dad about how yeah, the trailer needs to be painted. And he said no, and he knows I want to do it but that I will not because I'm not a disobedient child. And I said I'm not a child at all. And he said I am his child just like he is Nana's child. But that he is a disobedient child. And he knows I'm not.
HOW ABOUT THIS: DAD, WHAT IF YOU MOVED IN WITH NANA FOR 3 MONTHS? HOW WOULD YOU WANT HER TO TREAT YOU? I think having had stable parents you can't really know how I feel here.

*When I didn't live in a trailer they were perfectly content not to play in a trailer. When I sleep indoors they are perfectly willing to talk to me to wake me up, but no, now there is something to bang on! Something shaky!

Higher Education

Oh, higher education. That old thing. Oh, it is exhausting, and frustrating, and rewarding to navigate the channels and get credit for learning, and find challenging courses, and oh I am so tired of it.

So. I went to 4 community colleges, which is nearly 4% of the state's community colleges. And I kind of liked it. Some courses validated GEs beautifully (Thank you, English 1A and 1B!!! I would have been dying my way through a Comp 1 and a Comp 2 class, wasting my time, when I really wanted to be enrolled in Astro and Econ!), some just count as "electives", units that boost my class standing (and thus financial aid level as my expected family contribution goes down each grade, and I get to enroll when the year above does (we do scaffolded enrollment with seniors first and frosh last, and I was only a frosh standing for 1 quarter), and also? if I want to take a course that is totally impacted, I get priority at the profs discretion. AND ALSO I WITHDREW FROM A CLASS ONE TIME AND IT IS NOT PUSHING BACK MY GRAD DATE.*

So, on the whole, a fantastic move. One of the cleverer things I managed as an adolescent. But (except Japanese! That is a foreign language with foreign expectations and it kicked my butt on the first go and I managed a B on the second!) by the time I was 16 I thought the courses were very, very easy. They have to be courses that anyone at all can realistically pass if they work hard, and I was working reasonably hard, as hard as I was in most of my highschool courses. Also I had very good attendance as it would be hard to explain to my parents why I could not go to class unless I was actually ill, just like highschool. Anyway, when I graduated Dad wanted me to work and go to community college, to save money. Mom said no, they are not designed for people like me and becausewhen she had attended community college while working to save money she found them completely maddening and she also cited the very low completion rate and so Dad was convinced and I was off to UCSC. I said no too, for what it was worth, because I could not imagine getting an associates and having those instructors and that campus life and those assignments for another year.

And now I have 2 years of UC undergrad behind me (well, on Wednesday I will have) and I am actually maybe going back to community college for summer. It makes me freak out a little, because really they are not intellectually stimulating environments. But OTOH my friend goes to one and she took pottery there and her work is very impressive.

So. We are permitted (I think as a result of impacted pre-art classes) to recieve credit for a lower division studio course by taking the equivalent course at a community college over summer. I am not 100% sure I am doing this, as it depends on whether the accepted courses are offered for the summer term which has less selection than the regular academic year, and when summer session starts (it must be quite soon, most universities let out weeks ago). But yeah, I might be going to community college again, at the age of 20. I really just had this spinal full body spasm shiver from typing that.

If we are permitted to take two courses (the email said one, which seems fair because we are only required to take 3 lower div studios to declare the major, and taking 2 of those at another campus seems like poor quality control) then I can declare as art for fall!!! I really shouldn't do that, since it will be great to spend a little more time with other pre art students and working at the intro, pre art level. I have seen the upper classmen's work at open studios and it honestly to my minimally trained eye looks like the work of professional artists or in some cases grad projects. Yeah, I really really shouldn't so that because then the only studios I'll have prereqs for are drawing, painting, and sculpting classes. (Art students are not permitted to enroll in pre-art introductory studios, so once you declare you kind of can't ever earn another prereq except over summer when the rules are relaxed). So, what this will do for me, if I do manage to find courses, is expand the potential for the upper div studio courses I can take.

I am feeling so excited about my art career. Which, no, it is nascent. Embryonic. But I can see it.
I am looking at grad schools. Well, online, I am not touring them. California College of the Arts, which is 3 miles from the Oakland house, is terribly, terribly highly rated. I think their jewelry and metalwork is supposed to be the best. UCSC has only a tiny bit of metalwork I think. It is more of the welding kind. As I read and reread texts for my finals, I have been burnishing and deforming a little bathtub I am making out of silver. It does not look very much like a bathtub.


*also, of course, they exempted me from absolutely loads of highschool courses, to the extent that the only courses I had to attend my senior year were algebra and community circle time. And I also took some requirements independent study which basically meant minimal work and an occassional check in with a teacher.